I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
