Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
