just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
