He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
