they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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