I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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