I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize