their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
