Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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