So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize