i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
