the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
