i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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