Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Enjoy the penises
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
