I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
