My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
