I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
