Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
