ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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