Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
