Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
