My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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