if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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