I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
