Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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