how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
