Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize