My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
