just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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