watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
