I got chris browned last night
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
