hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Text me some of your sweat
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
