i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
