Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
