Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
we should paint friendship bongs
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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