he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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