U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize