she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
