You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize