so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
