I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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