Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
