He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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