to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
and you fell through a lawn chair
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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