My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
