I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
