She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
