i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
