SEEEEXXX PLEASE
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
