hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
