I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
