Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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