when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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