I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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