you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
