Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
