Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
