hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
