Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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