She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
