And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
