OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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