i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
