ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize