We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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