She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
