Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
