we're chasing vodka with high fives
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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