So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
