Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
