bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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